I know it's been ages since my last update (the last journal I posted was in July of 2013) AND THAT WAS 3 YEARS AGO! Wow.!.. can you believe that?!? *hides my face in shame* At least you know I'M ALIVE! Haha!
DAMN, I really am slack with these things! ^^' But now... down to official business!
I apologise for the lack of activity/art within the past year... I've had A LOT of drama *within my own personal life and with certain people IRL* (I won't go into detail) which took up most of my time and energy... and it's been EXTREMELY DRAINING.
Long story short, I'm leaving the tedious drama behind me. 2015 was a very stressful year, but It taught me a lot (which I am grateful for.) Removing myself from the people that were causing me unnecessary grief, stress, anxiety and heartache was the best thing I could've done for myself. I've learnt that sometimes holding onto something/someone can do more damage than letting go. Some people aren't meant to stay in your life, and that is ok. I've learnt that I don't have to feel guilty for removing someone from my life if it alleviates the stresses that come everyday life, because who the hell needs more? I've learnt to accept the apologies that I know I'll never get and just move on with my life as best I can. Most importantly, I'd like to believe that all of this has helped me to mature... to handle difficult situations as sensibly and as reasonably as I can.
Taking time away from DA was exactly what I needed, because not only was I struggling to handle all of this pointless drama (taking a heavy emotional toll), but my art took a beating too... I stopped drawing for fun almost altogether (not including a few minor pieces) because I am my own worst critic. On a regular basis I compare my art/skill levels to other artists (especially to those whom I deem as more talented) until I completely deflate my own self confidence. People (including close friends and family members) can tell me over and over AND OVER again about how much they love my art... but I still continue to beat myself up over EVERY little flaw, simply because I think I could've done better. I'm not asking for sympathy or looking for comments to boost my ego (it's the exact opposite) I'm just realising that the only thing standing in the way of my own potential is me. I'm the one that's holding myself back. I know this will never go away... I'll always be the one who judges my art the harshest, but I want to try and use that to motivate me instead. I'm not saying it's going to be easy (because I know that realistically, it'll never end) but my hope for the future is that I'll one day be able turn this weakness into a strength... that I'll be able to use it to inspire me to grow and expand rather than freeze with crippling self doubt. At the start of January I bought myself a CORE membership to hopefully help me get back into the swing of things. I'm not saying I will be uploading art super frequently, but I hope this will be a start in the right direction. Art has always sort of been like therapy for me, and I don't want the limits I impose upon myself to be the reason I stop. Art has helped me through a variety of difficult phases/emotions throughout my life and it's always been a passion of mine ever since I can remember. As we get older, we become less satisfied with what we see/create because our minds tell us "you'll NEVER be good enough..." and "why don't you just quit while you're ahead?"... Those thoughts never go away (as much as we'd like them too)... the difference is that I've decided to not let it control me anymore. As for now, let's see just see where this new mind set takes me and hope for the best.
Second thing I'd like to talk about is COSPLAY! It's always interested me, but I only started pursuing the hobby in 2013 (my first cosplay event was Free Comic Book Day as casual Waluigi with my sisters
as casual Luigi and
and casual Mario.) Since then I have done a few other cosplays including; The Mad Hatter, Maleficent, Katniss Everdeen, The Joker, Morgana from The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea, Mary Sanderson and Fem! Humanoid Tardis! If you'd like to check them out, please go like my page over on Facebook (www.facebook.com/tinTAMcreatio…
) where I'll share an assortment of creations as I continue to learn/grow and expand my skills! I also have a joint cosplay page with my sisters (www.facebook.com/macsisterscos…
) and finally, a cosplay page combined with a couple of close friends (www.facebook.com/SquadGoalsCos…
Our pages are fairly new (and still in their infant stage) so their isn't a whole heap on them yet... but I promise there will be more to come! (most photos are on my personal page at the moment, but I'll be uploading photo albums to my page in due time!)
Third thing I'd like to talk about... *drumroll please*...is.... MOVIES!! I CAN'T BELIEVE that there won't be any Hunger Games movies this year?!?!!!!!! What am I going to do with my life?!?!?! *sobs* There are plenty of other films I'm looking forward to like Allegiant, Suicide Squad, Deadpool, the 5th Wave, Through the Looking Glass... THERE'S SO MANY I COULD NAME... but it's just hard to accept that one of my favourite franchises is coming to an end... *big fandom hugs* *three finger salute*
The Good Dinosaur gave me ALL THE FEELS (and I can feel the obsession coming on) + Star Wars: The Force Awakens was better than I expected! First Star Wars movie I've seen, and now I need to binge watch the rest! Luckily
has them all on DVD because I also feel a new obsession to fangirl over! HAHAHAHA
As for the start of this New Year, I know it hasn't been great... David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Lemmy from Metallica (even though I've never really been a hardcore rock fan) and Celine Dion's husband (Rene') all passed away from cancer (a battle I'm sure they fought hard but tragically lost in privacy/secrecy.)
I've felt the pain cancer has directly impacted on my own family... my Grandfather died from it... and my Grandmother is in remission from it. If there is any good to come of this, I urge you to please go get yourself checked! If cancer is caught early enough, this AWFUL disease can be treated.
In saying that, I know that when your favourite celebrity dies it's tough because the people we idolise have a direct influence on our life. We grow up around them, and it's hard to not take it personal, because it feels personal. They bring back connections to found memories, so if you're finding it hard to cope just know that you're validated in feeling sad (so no need to feel silly.) If you're sad for a while, that's perfectly ok, you are ALLOWED to grieve, just know that the clouds are only temporary and that the sun is just behind it.
I just hope that you don't let this terrible start to the New Year ruin it for you. We still have A LOT of good things to come! There's so much more we have yet to see through!
Phew! THAT WAS AN ESSAY AND A HALF! I think I covered everything... for now! It'll probably be a while until the next journal. HAHAHA! If you read all of that, thanks for sticking around... I applaud you! *places a sticker on your forehead*
Catch ya around soon! xoxo Fantasy-and-FictionSkin by ShadowJournals